Zen Is Very Important to the Bouncing Trade, Just Ask Wade Garrett

Wade Garrett was a great man. I knew it. Mike Doe knew it. Hell, Brad Wesley even knew it!

Crazy Craig's List Ad #1 -- Bartender for Hire
Who's Mike Doe Reading...and Yes, He Can Read!
Crazy Craig's List Ad #2 -- Free Comedy CDs or DVDs
Wild Outrageous Rumors #1 -- Britney & Justin Reunited!
PRESS RELEASE: Mike Doe Announces National Search for Comedy Intern

Doe-Nuts Now Following Twitter

Some cool Twitter stuff: Mike Doe is making jokes at http://twitter.com/mikedoe.

Hello Dolly!

Just wanted to welcome UFC Dolly to the blogosphere. Below are Dolly's UFC blogs!

UFC Dolly
1imes
1jardine
1stephenson
1whitehead
1sherk
1diaz
1royce
1bas
1nate
1tito
1franklin
1robbie
1guida
1hughes
1monson
1dana
1sylvia
1florian
1rashad
1leben
1crocop
1arlovski
1cote
1diego
1kendall
1shamrock
1lawler
1miletich
1fedor
1bj
1tanner
1randy
1corey
1huerta
1wanderlei
1chuck
1jens
1karo
1serra
1cuommo

Zen and the Art of Bouncing, Or Else!

For those who bounce for a living, I recommend you consider meditation. This will help you deal with boisterous buffoons, skanky girls who want to get it on DURING your shift (a major no-no), annoying employees who are trying to steal from the till, and other evildoers.

Breathe Deeply After Acting Too

It is critical to deep breathely at all times, no matter whether it's before, during or AFTER you rip out your opponent's throat.

Never Use a Knife If You Don't Have To

This is key. Unless your opponent tries to use a knife on you, and you disarm him, and he's somehow able to get another knife, so the two of you can fight knife-to-knife, NEVER, and I mean, NEVER, initiate a knife fight against a knife-less opponent.

Why?

Because I said so!

I am just being silly. Of course, you can use a knife...if the above conditions are met!

Breathe Deeply...

This is just a reminder to breathe deeply. The lungs need oxygen, and so does your brain.

Breathe Deeply Before Every Fight

It's critical before every brawl to breathe deeply. This relaxes the mind and the innards, but not so much that you become a slackjawed yokel, a la Tinker, or an evil scumbag, a la Brad Wesley.

Getting by with a Little Help from My (Blog) Friends

I just wanted to pay a quick acknowlegment to my friends on the World Wide Web. As anyone who saw Road House knows, it's impossible to win every fight...if you don't have a good buddy to guard your back. Especially when you're fighting some dude who's done time in prison!

My favorite Road House-related sites include:

Dalton from Road House
Road House Trivia
There's Always Barber College
Zen and the Art of Bouncing
I Run the Show Completely
When the Job's Done I Walk
Bouncing Ain't Easy
Road House Quotes
Brad Wesley Is an Evil Man

and last but not least...

Why I Majored in Philosophy.

Zen and the Art of Bouncing

When it comes to being a bouncer, never forget:

It's just a job, nothing personal.

Say this statement to yourself many, many times during your off-hours. Also, say it to yourself at work when some fat guy's burping in your voice, calling your mother a whore.

This statement will make your life much easier. And help transform you into a lethal bouncing machine.

Trust me, I know these things, for I am Dalton.